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  • Writer's pictureDeana Bonafiglia Ruiz

Mindfulness - Thoughtful Reflections on How to Cast Out Negative Self Talk and Call In Self Love

Recently I mentioned to a friend a tendency I noticed in her to refer to herself as some kind of conduit for not so good things to occur.

I wrote a text that said something like this:

"I just picked up a client after our perfectly timed rendezvous and so I don’t feel that you are bad luck, you’re good luck to me!"

The intention was to share with her how wonderful her energy is, and to erase this negative self talk.

She wasn’t always like this. In fact, she is actually one of the most positive people I know.

A few months ago she experienced a sudden and traumatic event in her life, and it’s been since then that she’s habitually put herself down as the bad luck charm.

Well, as is the case in the text message world, my sentiments were met with misunderstanding.

The text I received back went something like this:

"I don’t think I’m bad luck! I’m a very balanced and positive person!"

I returned with:

“I’m only playfully referring to a tendency Ive noticed in you since the event.”

She got that. She then agreed that she has this tendency and that she is positive. I had been under the impression she was well aware of this newish tendency of hers.

This interaction proved otherwise.

It got me thinking...

How unaware are we of how we express ourselves to others?

How unaware are we of how we express ourselves to ourselves?

And, when someone brings to the light a habit we have, how willing are we to acknowledge this and move forward to dissolve anything that is unhealthy for our mind/body/soul?

She was very willing to acknowledge this tendency, and I have no idea how she’ll now move forward on removing it from her space or if she even wants to.

I also pondered on how easy we are to blame ourselves or make something less than awesome that’s happened to us mean something about who we are for ourselves and who we are for others. This creates a very disempowering internal dialogue.

Given the fact that our thoughts create our actions, and our actions create our life experiences and situations, you can see where we might continue to perpetuate a series of that which we don’t desire simply by reinforcing a negative thought we have about ourselves.

If we see ourselves as bad luck, the Universe in its all powerful yet non-discriminatory attitude towards negative/positive thought, says:

“YES! You are bad luck, because you think so, and so I will, as you have requested through your persistent thought, give you all experiences that match this thought. You’re welcome, for I have fulfilled your desire.”

Oops, that’s not what I meant Universe!, you scream to yourself.

Here is where I insert a cliche, because its rhymes and I feel it’s helpful:

“What you think about, you bring about!”

Ouch. That definitely takes the fun out of playing a victim to life circumstances, but that’s not really so much fun anyway, right?

I’ve noticed that when we practice Mindfulness, we are more aware of our habitual actions as well as more likely to accept them when we are called out on it, whether they be of the negative or positive vibe.

Mindfulness also provides a space for us to understand that even though we are always co-creating our life and all it’s experiences, we get to choose how we allow events (whether they be car accidents, relationship mishaps, money issues, etc) to affect our self perceptions.

The magic of Mindfulness also brings to our awareness the habitual thought patterns we are continually beaming out into the universe, while also receiving their vibrational equivalent. The Universe says,

“thank you for that thought, right back atcha!”

(I feel it’s important to acknowledge that even though we are always co-creating our experiences, there is also the matter of living in a world full of many other co-creators we call fellow human beings. As an example, if you were in a car accident or other such traumatic event that was of no fault of yours, I am not implying that you created the accident/event in the physical sense, however, it is worth investigating for yourself the lessons you are learning as you move through the consequences of said accident/event and how you may have called them into your life. Just sayin’)

Mindfulness is paying attention to the moment, in the moment. Even when the moment is less than desirable, mindfulness creates a level of acceptance that inspires ease and peace.

Yoga and meditation are amazing ways to practice mindfulness, and there are others available to you right now. Such as, consciously feel your seat beneath you in this moment, or feel your clothes hugging to your body, or feel your breath move in and out of your nose, right here, right now.

A mindfulness experiment I enjoy is feeling the water run through my fingers as I wash the dishes and noticing how the bubbles of soap flow into the sink and disappear under the rush of water, hearing the water as it changes tune in time with my movements, etc etc.

It’s very easy to drift off to your to do list, a past conversation, a future conversation and any number of the other thousands of thoughts parading through your brain in any moment, especially when engaging in such “mindless” activities as dish washing.

Of course, thinking of these things is useful. If you neglected to remember your to do list, you might not get anything done. The point is that our mind is this amazing tool for creation, and yet we often allow it to capture our attention away from the present moment.

When we do this we not only miss out on what is right in front of us, we also become unaware of who we really are, how we express ourselves out into the world, and how powerful we are in creating and designing our most amazing dreams.

As a Yoga and meditation teacher, students often comment on how present the practice brings them to muscles, aches, openness, and other sensations of the physical/mental/emotional/spiritual nature of their beingness that they were not previously aware of.

When we are almost forced to be present, such as one might be in the context of experiencing a challenging yoga class, we are also forced into Mindfulness. I use the word force with lots of love and lightness, more like an invite than a forcing.

Yoga and meditation invite you into the moment through movement of body and breath, and through observing the movement of thought. I share these practices with others not only out of a driven sense of this is why I’m here on the planet, but I also feel strongly that in order to create lasting world wide transformation for the good of all, we must first each intend on creating that transformation within ourselves.

Yoga and meditation offer us the opportunity to dive deep, become aware of our truth and dissolve that which does not serve us. We then go out into the world and Mindfully behave with integrity, compassion and loving kindness.

How can you practice mindfulness today?

Maybe the super sense-filled task of washing dishes mentioned above is a good way for you to start, perhaps you’ll walk just a bit slower today and feel each moment of your foot placing on the ground or you might hop into that yoga class you’ve been meaning to try.

For me, mindfulness is an ever evolving practice.

As I sit now at a cafe typing this on my iPad, I am paying attention to the feeling of my fingers tapping the screen, while also smelling the divine scents of vegan fare pervading this space, while also focusing on this thought flow that you have been reading, as it arises, and even as I edit, I am engaging in Mindfulness as I reflect on and evolve what I am choosing to share and self express in this post.

We live in a loud world.

There are as many things going on around us as there are going on inside of us.

Being mindful creates a divine presence that makes us connect deeply with our soul, reminding us of who we really are and why we choose what we choose, both in the wild streets of NYC and the stillness of the shore in winter time.

Mindfulness gifts us with this magical thing called Being Present.

Being at Ease.

Being Peace.

Being Focused Awareness.

Being You.


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